The Ocksheperida

Samuel Sanders, A&E Editor

In the words of the philosopher himself, "Just look at all these mortals with their pregnancies and such. What a waste of time and energy. Childhood. Such a bother. A bloody bother, I tell you. I was considerate, I merely chose to exist. I was born from the Moon and the Sun, two, maybe three years ago. The memories and experiences are fake. False, I tell you. It's a conspiracy, man. The government's been telling us lies. So let me start at the beginning: Hi. My name's Sam." At press time, Sanders was finishing his 17th cup of coffee that morning. Press time was 10:35 a.m.

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Samuel Sanders